John Saward – May 31, 2017 at 08:57AM

From the ongoing Trauma Log

April 22 to May 11 2017

On some days this sense of loss is unbearable. We process the trauma via Skype. The video is all we have between us. It gives us a mind and heart connection but at the same time reminds us we are physically far apart.

On other days we are happy to be alive and able to communicate at all.

One thing never alters. The conviction that we are born for each other, and that right now we need to wait. We speak a lot about waiting. We don’t really mean sitting and doing much at all. It means making every effort we can, and taking every action that arises in front of us, to work towards our joining together again, and then… handing it over to… a power higher than us.

We speak even more about ‘We’, now. This trauma has united our souls even more than before. Sometimes I wonder what strange fate flung us together in Melbourne only to fling us apart. It is gut wrenching. Paradise lost.

I wrestle with going back to Thailand. She insists I belong here, to manage our financial situation and house and the visa application as best I can. [Redacted]

The house is so empty without her. She tells me I don’t need to clean, she will do it when she comes home. I run the vacuum around and tidy up.

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